Thursday, June 22, 2006
So good! And yet.....
My mother my mother my mother. You know, I'm going to do this post first, because there's a lot to be thankful for. But my mother is not one of those things. Or maybe she is, but not in the joyous fashion I'm thinking. She's worth my thanks to God insofar as she appears to have been put on this earth for the purpose of trying my patience. She is God's gift to my patience. She continually cites the business deal that this condo sale, and the past four years have been. I asked her to consider a 60/40 split with me so I could pay off my student loan in its entirety. She replied that this was a business deal and I should be grateful to be getting anything at all.
Yes.
But we can take that as a given. I'm glad I'm getting any income out of this deal. Yes. However, when I ask for a 60/40 split, I am asking for enough money to be able to pay off my student loan in its entirety. Here is what I said to her - the last paragraph of my latest letter to her:
"And once again, you're reading into my arguments a lack of appreciation for the fact that you put your hard earned cash into this deal. Of course I appreciate your help. And of course I'm happy to be receiving funds at the end of this deal. However, you're not just my landlord, and this is not just business - you're my mother, and I would hope that you would be happy to see me succeed, or at least be happy to see me pay off my student loan in its entirety so that I could move on with my life.
Voila. There's my two cents."
I'm proud of the way I'm handling myself with her. She has been taking liberties with me since this deal began, and treating me with a strong disregard. I suppose I am getting so graspy about money because I'm trying to get what I can out of this transaction before it is completed. I always feel like Kathleen (my mother) would "sell the spectacles off my face" as soon as look at me - just as she would with anyone in her life. When it comes to money, she is ruthless and underhanded and I knew this when we started this deal, but I hoped that because I was me and we had a special bond when I was a child, that she would look past her acumen and see that she was dealing with her son. But that has definitely not been the case. She has treated me in the same manner that she treats all people involved in business transactions: with cold and inhuman calculation. And I have let her. I will come away from this whole thing with a chunk of my student loan paid off. But I will also come away from it smarting personally. I already smart. I am mystified as to how I can interact with this woman after she has treated me with such a lack of parental generosity. I will need to take some time away from her, which will not be too difficult as there is no communication between us unless I initiate it.
I just read The Gospel According to Jesus Christ by Jose Saramago, and the relationship between Mary and Jesus was particularly resonant, insofar as it was a very tempestuous one. That is how my relationship with my mother feels. I might have to cut her out for a while.
Yes.
But we can take that as a given. I'm glad I'm getting any income out of this deal. Yes. However, when I ask for a 60/40 split, I am asking for enough money to be able to pay off my student loan in its entirety. Here is what I said to her - the last paragraph of my latest letter to her:
"And once again, you're reading into my arguments a lack of appreciation for the fact that you put your hard earned cash into this deal. Of course I appreciate your help. And of course I'm happy to be receiving funds at the end of this deal. However, you're not just my landlord, and this is not just business - you're my mother, and I would hope that you would be happy to see me succeed, or at least be happy to see me pay off my student loan in its entirety so that I could move on with my life.
Voila. There's my two cents."
I'm proud of the way I'm handling myself with her. She has been taking liberties with me since this deal began, and treating me with a strong disregard. I suppose I am getting so graspy about money because I'm trying to get what I can out of this transaction before it is completed. I always feel like Kathleen (my mother) would "sell the spectacles off my face" as soon as look at me - just as she would with anyone in her life. When it comes to money, she is ruthless and underhanded and I knew this when we started this deal, but I hoped that because I was me and we had a special bond when I was a child, that she would look past her acumen and see that she was dealing with her son. But that has definitely not been the case. She has treated me in the same manner that she treats all people involved in business transactions: with cold and inhuman calculation. And I have let her. I will come away from this whole thing with a chunk of my student loan paid off. But I will also come away from it smarting personally. I already smart. I am mystified as to how I can interact with this woman after she has treated me with such a lack of parental generosity. I will need to take some time away from her, which will not be too difficult as there is no communication between us unless I initiate it.
I just read The Gospel According to Jesus Christ by Jose Saramago, and the relationship between Mary and Jesus was particularly resonant, insofar as it was a very tempestuous one. That is how my relationship with my mother feels. I might have to cut her out for a while.
// posted by MSR @ 6:37 PM 
