The Living Centrifuge

I am a hollow husk of a human being. I'm supposed to be smart, but I just don't understand this. Didn't he know I loved him? Why has he done this? You know something is wrong when it's a success to be able to go grocery shopping. I can hardly even think of eating. Everything is a fight. I feel like I'm getting sucked down into some kind of sludge funnel. I want to believe that this exit in my life is making room for something else, but in this state, I don't know that I'd notice anything even if it shot me in the face.

The Persian came over last night, brought a peach pie and let me put my head in his lap, as a way of trying to cheer me up, but then he wanted to kiss me and it was just anathema to me. I like him. He's very nice, and he's very nice to me, and he's attractive, but I just feel so useless. I just want to waste away into nothing, or hurl myself out a window like a Christmas tree.