The Living Centrifuge

Well, after all my "wingeing" (sp?) about the service industry, I got the Mac today, on the early end of the delivery window (8-12 business days). And, it picked up a network in my building. Could you imagine if I had free internet? I'd weep with joy. Further, the package arrived with my extra towel, some cute shoes, and a bunch of stuff from my summer roommate. And skype is Mac compatible, and I downloaded messenger, and a file sharing program. And if I get the Restoration Hardware job, I can quickly change my phone plan, and be all set up! Lord, might that be a light at the end of the tunnel? It shouldn't take over a month to set this stuff up.

I get to spend the weekend with Tori (Mrs. Torrence) Coldrey-Lo. Some friends' dog. They're away for Thanksgiving, and I get to hang out with Tori! I'm very excited. She's one of the first people I met when I was in Ottawa. And now we're both here. I love her so much I want to squeeze her into oblivion. And, my friends gave me a $50 gift certificate to Lush as a thank you! Lord! The fact that I get to be on the internet, watch Sex and the City, and take care of this cutie patootie dog is thanks enough.

Last night, Ben invited me to stay with him for part of my December sojourn in Toronto. I was over the moon. And today, my dad was very disapproving of the current structure of things with Ben - ie that we're seeing other people while I'm away. How do you describe to your traditional father that gay relationship structures are generally more plastic than straight ones? He has no idea, and now has a bee in his bonnet about the man I'm embarking on a long-term relationship with. I hate this defensive feeling. The fact that my father is telling me not to invest emotionally - that he's telling me what to do - is enraging. I'm a man! I'm nearly 27 years of age. And also, too late dad. I love him. And when I spoke with my sister on Tuesday, it was the same thing: "don't fall too hard! Be careful!" Too late. And I don't understand how being careful is a good thing when one already knows. My heart has been broken before, but I've always bounced back. I always bounce back. Why should I live in the middle of the road, emotionally, when I can live in the height of love? Its bliss justifies the risk of the fall.

I also found a book of Thomas Merton's letters in the basement of my building (there's a shelf on which you can leave things for people to take), and his journey is resonant. I like that he's a Christian mystic who is still very thoroughly human. He has problems with the Catholic Church, but still resides in its fold, because he believes it to be the best place. And, he respects other faiths too. And he seems to have pushed the envelope. Makes me think that receiving the sacraments might still be worth it, despite my vacillating belief, and my serious concerns about the Church.